Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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