I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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