it's too hot outside to masturbate.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
