I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I will die if light touches me.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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