WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
