areolas are like halos for boobs.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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