my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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