Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
