I wish I only lived at night.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
