Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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