a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize