i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
