Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
