im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
how drunk are you?
Several
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
