I just gift wrapped bread.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
