i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
