I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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