so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
