She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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