Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
