He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
