just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
