Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
