Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
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