I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
