There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
