i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
