i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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