OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
