M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
