I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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