he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
