i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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