If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
