I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
