i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
