my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
