Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
