your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
dude i'm inner monologue high
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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