I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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