Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
