i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
