I wanna passion pit in your ass
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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