I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
