there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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