Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Mom said you looked used
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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