Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Damn victory sex feels great
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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