I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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