I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize