Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I lost the right to judge tonight
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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