And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
