If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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