And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize