Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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