and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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