you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
