I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Buhtt sex?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
