even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
