Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize