You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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