According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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