i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
