I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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