Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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