Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
youre lurking in front of me
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Omg I joined a choir last night...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
