it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
