Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
