It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
