I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
