What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
