I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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