PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
