I wish I could punch you in the face.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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