he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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