i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It was confusing and full of hummus
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
