the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have aggressive nipples.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
