I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
