youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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