imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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