Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
