I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Randomize
