Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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