I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
