guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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