We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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