Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize