maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
