honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
