i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
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