you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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