Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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