apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
