He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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