I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
