so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
