help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
