So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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