You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
