matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
