those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
