I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
