he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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