ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
