I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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