sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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